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Today, we are going to be talking about gangs… girl gangs that is. One of the most important things a gal can have in her life. Growing up, we are all taught the importance of making friends and the “correct” way to do so. Kind of strange don’t you think? To be told how to make people like you? There’s the verbal instructions, the yes’ and the no’s, the dialect to along with it, and then it just kind of stops. That’s when the modeling kicks in. You see your parents, teachers, peers, siblings, families, TV shows, all of these others and their relationships, and that becomes what you search for… until you don’t.

As an adult (shudders at the thought of being classified as such) making friends is hard AF. You’re not constantly stuck in classes together, or playing sports, taking dance classes, or eating ramen together in your shitty college apartment every night. You have to actually put forth the effort! Yikes! It seems easy ’til it’s not. It’s easy until you stop feeling like yourself. Until things they say start stinging a little more. Until your boundaries are disrespected. Until you realize you’ve grown out of the people you thought would be there your entire life. Maybe it was a lifetime, and you’ve shifted to a new one. You may second guess yourself. You may try again and again to make it work. You will grieve the end of an era. You will grieve the loss of a life. That’s okay. Hard things can be good things.

Once you take the time to get reacquainted with yourself, you may know more about the type of people you do or don’t want in your circle. Remember we want a circle, not a cage. You may actively seek these people out, putting yourself out there on a limb- I for one…am not that person. I prefer to be alone and prefer people who understand that. You may be thinking, “Well how the hell do you have any friends then?” And to that I answer with, I don’t know but there’s not many. This circle is carefully curated and unintentionally found. It consists of women focused on the future, accepting of the past, and living in the present. They have been through hell and are still kind. They are beautiful in each and every way possible. They are intelligent, yet still curious. You should get you a few of those gals. All are different, most have never met. Yet they each speak to a different part of my soul. You can have platonic soulmates, ya know? The ones who hype you up when you’re low, bring you back down to earth, sit in your sad with you, and tell you when you’re being a dumbass.

All of these aspects were important to me when choosing my circle. But don’t forget you have to be that for them as well. There have been numerous times that I have been the toxic one in a relationship. I didn’t know it at the time, but looking back at it, it’s plain to see. That’s the beauty of growth. You realize what isn’t working and you gravitate towards what is.

Anyway, I hope you find your people. Your circle and not your cage. The people who are here to see you win and aren’t jealous when you do. The ones who set your soul on fire but also bring it peace. Find them, let them find you. However it happens, keep it.